Help Me Feel Again
by Screamarie
Summary: *The Amazing has happened CH. 4 UP* This is a a slash fic. T/C. Character death be warned. Tommy is having a hard time in his life. His happy existince has taken a turn for the worse. Will anyone be able to help him?
1. I feel empty

Disclaimer: I do not own Rugrats there are you happy? I said it.  
  
Help Me Feel Again  
  
Chuckie Finister looked up from the book he had been reading. His mother and sister were outside doing some gardening together and his father was out. He was lying on his bed in his room. The doorbell had rung but as far as he knew they weren't going to have any visitors. Chuckie set the book down a little annoyed from being disturbed and went to the front door. He opened it and there was Tommy Pickles standing there smiling. "Hey Chuckie." He said.  
  
Chuckie was now 18 and his friend 17 (I think that's right. Wasn't Chuckie one year older? If not then they're both 18.) Chuckie had gotten contacts a while back and looked much cuter than his younger days. (Not that he wasn't cute but now he's more cute) Still wild haired he had had his braces removed and was still rather pale. He now had become a little muscular after getting tired of being pushed around. Today he had a white t-shirt and some tan cargo pants on and no shoes as he had just been lounging around that fine Saturday.  
  
Tommy had also become muscular with his dark hair grown long. He wore a lot of black lately seeing as some rather upsetting changes had happened in his life. The dark grown hair was also because of the changes. Tommy wore a black shirt and a black jacket what with the chill in the air. He had large black pants and boots and looked rather gothic. Though Tommy kept up with his happy personality there was always an air of sadness.  
  
You see Tommy's younger brother Dill had been a good little boy as would be expected but he had made a new friend. The boy's name had been Miracles. He had been a nice guy but wasn't really considered a good boy by most because he had been deprived of as good a life as Dill. Well to make a long story short Miracles and Dill had become more than friends. Dill's parents had been shocked at the news of their youngest son being gay but had accepted him either way. They had gone out one night just to have some good clean fun as they were walking home four drunks had caught the two. That night Dill had lost his life and Miracles had barely survived but now lived with a panging pain in his heart.  
  
Tommy had been devastated for the last year. He had loved his little brother and tried to protect him as much as possible. Tommy had cried for days on end. Chuckie and the others had tried to get Tommy to talk to them and cry upon their shoulders but Tommy pushed them away. At one point he had locked himself in his room and for 2 days did not come out. Only when his mother came to the door one night crying and said that he needed to come out and eat otherwise he would kill himself and she could not live if both her sons died did he open the door. He had apologized to her and after that had quieted about it.  
  
He had started to eat and sleep again. He tried to return to his usual self but did not do so well. He did not act like the incident never happened but avoided the subject as much as possible. He went to his brother's grave every holiday but if ever Dill came up in a conversation he would politely remove himself from the room or would change the subject as quickly as possible.  
  
'He is so hot in all that black.' Chuckie thought. After a brief relationship with a girl Chuckie had realized that he didn't have an interest in girls. Like Dill he found he was gay. But had never told anyone. Why he hadn't he wasn't really sure. He had also realized he had a crush for his best friend Tommy for who knows how long.  
  
"Hi Tommy what are you doing here?"  
  
"Just been walking around. Wondered if you would like to walk with me?"  
  
"Sure Tommy I just have to tell my mom. Come on in." He told Tommy. Chuckie led the way to the backyard where he found his mother and his sister. "Hey mom I'm going to go walking around with Tommy." He said.  
  
Kira Finster looked up from the work she had been doing. "Hello Tommy." She said.  
  
"Hello Mrs. Finster."  
  
"That's fine Chuckie just make sure you're back for dinner I'm making something special tonight."  
  
"Sure mom." Chuckie then followed Tommy out of the house and down the street. "So are we headed anywhere in particular?"  
  
"The park. Figured I'd take a stroll through it then head home. Would you like to stay at my place tonight?" He asked.  
  
"Sure if you don't mind stopping by my place on the way back." Chuckie answered.  
  
Tommy nodded. It was the first time he had invited someone to stay with him in the longest time. He had been asked to stay at others' houses several times and had accepted most times just out of politeness. Truth be told he had really just wanted to go home and hide in his room as he usually did most nights. Unless it was Chuckie who had asked. He was mostly only comfortable with Chuckie. Something about Chuckie made Tommy feel at ease and made at least some of the hurt to go away.  
  
They found their way to the large park and started in. They didn't stay long. Just walked around and soon they started back towards the gate of the park they saw someone all to familiar. Miracles was sitting by a small pond at which he was throwing bread crumbs into for a few of the ducks that were there to eat. He looked up as the two boys approached.  
  
Miracles had platinum blonde hair that almost looked white. He had green eyes and was wearing a blue t-shirt and white pants. He was a rather small boy but something about his aura made you know that he was stronger than he looked. He stood and greeted Tommy and Chuckie with a quiet hello.  
  
"Hi Miracles. How is everything?" Tommy asked losing the little cheerfulness he could muster these days at the sight of the boy.  
  
"As it ever was. How are you?" Miracles asked.  
  
"I guess as good as I'm going to get." Tommy told him.  
  
"Don't blame Tommy." Miracles said before turning around and walking away. Tommy stared after the boy.  
  
"Tommy what did he mean?" Chuckie asked.  
  
"NOTHING!" Tommy raged. "Nothing at all. Let's go." He said and they headed out of the park. Chuckie had been surprised and even scared of Tommy for a moment. Though Tommy had been rather moody lately he had never just popped off like that. Somehow, someway he had always stayed cool and calm. Or well more like indifferent. Tommy led the way back to Chuckie's home where he told his parents of his plans and although Kira was upset he missed her special dinner told him to have fun. He had grabbed some clothing and followed Tommy yet again to his place.  
  
Once there Tommy's mother and father greeted them both. Chuckie had given a polite hello but Tommy had barely given a wave of his hand before going out the backdoor. Chuckie followed him.  
  
The spent the next few hours sitting outside talking and doing different things. Whatever had caused Tommy's outburst earlier seemed to have gone from his mind. They stayed out till Mrs. Pickles came to the back door.  
  
"Tommy your father and I are going to go to bed now. Please don't stay out here too long it's getting chilly and we don't need you two getting sick." They nodded in agreement before she headed back inside.  
  
"Mom's probably right let's go back inside. Besides I'm getting a little tired." Tommy told Chuckie.  
  
"Yeah me too." They then re-entered the house. Passed through the living room and went upstairs to Tommy's bedroom.  
  
There Chuckie was surprised. He hadn't actually seen the younger boy's room since the death of Dill. Since then it had gone under major changes. The walls were panted black. The blinders on the window had been sprayed a dark coal color. Even the ceiling had not been spared. The only light came from the one bulb in the fixture in the ceiling which Tommy had grazed with black paint dulling the brightness. The walls were cleared of any posters or pictures. It had been pretty much cleared of anything except for a bed, a desk and chair, and a table that served as a stand for a kind of mural for Dill. On the table was a black table cloth, a picture of Dill surrounded by fake flowers, and fours candles all glowing brightly. The bed had been covered with black blankets. Only the wood of the bed frame, the desk and chair, and the table escaped the rampage of darkness.  
  
"Make yourself at home." Tommy said. It was kind of hard for Chuckie to try and himself at home in a place so dark. Chuckie sat down on the bed. Tommy went to the window were he pulled up the blinds. They stayed in silence for awhile. Tommy then said, "I guess I better pulled out some stuff for you to sleep on." He said and went to his closet in the wall. He pulled out a green comforter and a blue thin flannel sheet followed by a yellow pillow. He laid out the comforter with the pillow on top on the floor followed by the sheet. "I hope that will keep you warm and comfy for the night." He said.  
  
"It should." Chuckie said.  
  
One of the candles on the mural suddenly went out. Tommy noticed and looked at it. He then went over to his desk. He opened a draw and pulled out a box of matches. He took one and struck it against the box. He then went to the mural and lit the burnt out candle. He then shook the match out and set the candle back on the table. "They go out every now and then. I try to keep them lit at all times." Tommy explained to Chuckie. He replaced the match box in the desk then turned to Chuckie.  
  
"I'll be back. I need to brush my teeth and all." Chuckie said heading for the door. Tommy nodded and sat in the chair by the desk waiting. When Chuckie came back he was in a pair of green sleep pants and had brushed teeth. He sat down on the bed. Tommy then exited too to make himself ready for bed. He came back in his black boxer's and also had his teeth brushed. He sat down on his bed beside the red haired boy. "Look Chuckie I want to apologize for snapping at you in the park."  
  
"It's alright Tommy." Chuckie said a little quietly.  
  
"No, it's not alright Chuckie. You're my best friend I shouldn't treat you like that. It's just sometimes it gets to be too much and I just lose it. Dad and me have had plenty of fights since Dill died because I can't keep my feelings under control. It's just without Dill...I just feel so empty. I should have been there to protect him. That's what Miracles meant back in the park. Because I blame myself." Tommy said staring at the floor.  
  
"Tommy there's nothing you could have done. Four grown men against teens. If you had been there you probably would have also died." Chuckie said.  
  
"If I couldn't have stopped them I could have at least died with Dill."  
  
"No!" Chuckie said. He lifted Tommy's face up with his hand. "No, you were meant to live Tommy." He then kissed Tommy. Tommy sat in shock and before he could get his paralyzed mind to function again Chuckie pulled away and stood up from the bed. "Oh crap Tommy I'm sorry. I...I have no idea what the hell I was thinking."  
  
Tommy sat still as he looked up at the older boy who was backed up against the wall. Tommy asked, "Chuckie did you do that because you like me?"  
  
Chuckie stood there not saying anything. He had just ruined his relationship with Tommy forever. At least with a friendship he could be around the dark-haired boy but now he wouldn't even have that. Tommy reiterated his question. Chuckie's mind finally came back online and he nodded. Chuckie couldn't speak because his throat and mouth felt like sandpaper.  
  
"I thought so." Tommy said standing up and walking to Chuckie. "Funny thing is," Tommy said placing his lips on Chuckie's "I like you too." He said after finishing off the kiss. "What I want to know is why didn't you tell me?" Tommy said staring into Chuckie's eyes. Chuckie stared back.  
  
"I didn't think there was any way possible that you could like me. Also the fact that I was fairly sure you were straight didn't help matters." Chuckie said. Tommy smiled half-heartedly.  
  
"I never said anything to you about it because of the fact that I'm scared. Chuckie after losing Dill...if I were to lose you too I would kill myself." Tommy said turning around and walking a little away his head down. He then looked to the mural at his right. "I was actually suicidal after Dill died. If hadn't been for the thought that you were here and mom well she would probably die of grief if I left her too I would have killed myself. I loved him that much. Like I said without him I feel empty." His head fell again.  
  
Chuckie stepped closer and placed a hand on his shoulder. "You don't have too. I know I could never replace Dill. I wouldn't want to. But I would like to try and fill at least some of the emptiness. The hurt will never go away but at least I can try to take some of the sting from it." Chuckie then walked around to look Tommy in the eye. Tommy lifted his head. "I know that you're scared. I would be too. But would Dill want you to spend the rest of your life scared? You've saved me a lot. Let me save you this time."  
  
Tommy then fell into Chuckie's arms and cried. He cried and cried but as he cried he felt a weight lift from his shoulders. Tommy felt more alive than he had in a year. Chuckie let him cry on his shoulder. When Tommy finished feeling much better he led Chuckie to his bed. They climbed into the bed where the laid together in each others arms.  
  
"Thank you so much." Tommy said nuzzling Chuckie's neck.  
  
"For what?" Chuckie asked.  
  
"For helping me feel again." Tommy said. Chuckie smiled and soon after they fell asleep. Of course they would be woken by a rather surprised yell coming from Didi's mouth the next morning.  
  
You like? I certainly did. Course I wrote it. If there is something I messed up like ages or names or something tell me because it's been a small while since I have actually seen a Rugrats episode. Please don't hate me for that. Please R/R. Oh and anyone who wants to flame me for writing a Tommy/Chuckie fic it shall be laughed at then deleted from my inbox. Love ya,  
  
Screamarie. 


	2. TOMMY!

Disclaimer: I do not own Rugrats and all that blah  
  
Help Me Feel Again  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Didi Pickles headed towards the stairs. She had just finished making breakfast and was about to call her son and his friend down. She approached the door. She heard no movement and suspected the boys to be being lazy and sleeping in. That or they had stayed up late.  
  
Or it could have just been Tommy. Tommy had lost sleep ever since the death of his little brother. Tommy had taken it harder than anyone else it seemed. His mother had worried for the longest time. She had often found her son sitting on the front porch in the middle of the night in a daze once even crying. She had once said something to her son when she found him on the porch he had looked at her and then stood, went inside the house, and into his room without a single word.  
  
Tommy wasn't trying to be hateful or hurtful. He loved his mother. She was one of the few reasons why he hadn't killed himself. It was just that he knew that if he had stuck around Dill would be the main topic of the conversation and he hadn't wanted to speak of it. Tommy had had a lack of sleep, eating, and actual living. He had seemed to be able to survive on the little sleep he got. His grades had not suffered except an influx of F's right after the initial shock but had then returned to normal. His lack of eating though had turned him rather thin. As for actually living he spent most of his time walking around the town, working out at the gym, or sitting in his room listening to Linkin Park and the like or drawing.  
  
Didi had watched her son as carefully as he would allow. Because he was either gone or locked himself in his room she didn't have a lot of time to watch him. She had actually seen him without his shirt on once and had been horrified to find that her once well feed boy had turned into a boy that looked like he was starving. Well sort of. You could just barely start to see his ribs. She had demanded several times that he see a counselor but he had refused. She had said that she wanted him to go and he had said that he wouldn't. You can't really force him to go. She had begged him many a time to at least eat more. He had complained that he wasn't hungry. He always found it saddening when he had to fight with his mother so he left the house.  
  
She had complained to his father but her complaints seem to fall on deaf ears. Since Dill's death Stu had changed. He and Tommy often had fights. Stu seemed to believe that because of Tommy he was driving the family apart. He didn't blame Tommy for Dill's death. No, but he had seemed to think that Tommy's further emotional problems was causing the family to tear like paper. Stu had accused Tommy of drugs in which Tommy had not replied just shook his head and left yet again. The Pickles household seemed to be falling apart.  
  
Didi came from her thoughts back to the task at hand of getting the boys up. She knocked lightly but found no reply so she opened the door and peered in.  
  
"TOMMY!" She shrieked just like she often had when he was but a baby. Tommy and Chuckie were lying in each other's arms on his bed. Both boys stirred and looked at her. Then Tommy realized who was staring at him and jerked into a sitting position.  
  
"Oh shit mom." He said his eyes wide. Didi was too bewildered by the sight to be upset with his speech.  
  
Stu had run up the stairs to see why his wife had yelled. He stared in shock at the sight of his boy and another in the same bed.  
  
"Mom I can explain." Tommy said. "Really I can."  
  
"I sure as hell hope you can." said Stu.  
  
"Stu!" Didi said perplexed by one his bad language and two the way he had spoken to their son. "I think I need to speak with our son Stu. We'll be down in a minute." She said entering the room.  
  
"But."Stu began.  
  
"No buts." Didi said and slammed the door in his face. Stu looked defeated went back to the kitchen and ate his breakfast. Didi turned to her son and his well I think it's safe to call him boyfriend. "Okay now I would like you to calmly explain this too me."  
  
Chuckie had moved to a sitting position at some point and looked to see if Tommy had an answer because he sure didn't.  
  
"Well." Tommy spoke and stopped. He raised a leg to an upside down V position causing the edge of the blanket to reveal a bare leg. Didi assuming the worst since she had not seen the black boxers just a bare chest and leg had an intake of breath. "It's not what you think mom." He said realizing what his mother was thinking. He grabbed the blanket and pulled it down to see the boxers. Didi let go of the breath.  
  
"Mom um to put it simply and without a lot of stuttering Chuckie and I are gay and have a relationship."  
  
"Since when?" She asked approaching the chair to sit down.  
  
"Since some time last night." Chuckie answered.  
  
"It just kind of happened mom. I know it must be weird for you. You're used to seeing us and thinking best friends not couple." Tommy said.  
  
"Well I think this is something you should tell Chas." Didi said looking at Chuckie. He nodded. He didn't believe his parents would be very upset with his decision. He had never heard of them being against bi or homosexuals. Course they were people who walked the streets of the world not their son.  
  
"What's dad going to say?" Tommy asked.  
  
"You let me take care of your father." Didi said. "Well I think we better have some breakfast it's getting cold." She said with a smile. The three left. When there Didi saw that Stu had already retreated to his basement workshop.  
  
Didi sat at the table and ate with the two boys and was amazed at the change she saw in Tommy. His eyes seem to sparkle again. He had a genuine smile on his face. All because of Chuckie. Maybe this was for the best. Tommy finally seemed to have something to live for. She was kind of stunned when they gave each other a quick kiss. She fell from her daze and then returned to her plate.  
  
Could this relationship be the answers to all their problems? If Tommy returned to something that might be close to normal then Didi would be normal and Stu in turn would also be normal. She didn't know. Maybe Chuckie could even get Tommy to speak of his problems. She sure hoped so. But maybe there was hope for their family yet.  
  
"How well do you think your parents will take the news?" Tommy asked.  
  
"I'm hoping as well as your mother took it." Chuckie said with a small smile. "I'm pretty sure they will. I don't see why they wouldn't but it will make it a lot easier if you'll come with me Tommy."  
  
"Of course I will." Tommy said.  
  
They finished breakfast and Tommy and Chuckie went back upstairs. She placed her plate in the sink and then went to the basement to find her husband fully dressed and busy on something or other.  
  
"Stu I need to talk to you." She said. He looked up at her.  
  
"What is it Didi?" He asked his wife.  
  
"It seems that our son and Chuckie have a relationship."  
  
"What and he hasn't told us?" Stu began.  
  
"Well they just started it last night. But I think this might be something good. I watched Tommy this morning over breakfast. He looked happy Stu. For the first time in a full year my boy looked happy. He looked like he was actually alive. He ate more this morning than he has in the last year. Stu my boy might actually be alive again." She said.  
  
Stu sat in contemplation. "Maybe you're right," was all he had to say before returning to the work he was doing.  
  
"Does noon sound like a good time?" Tommy asked Chuckie.  
  
"It's as good as any. Tommy thanks for coming with me." Chuckie said.  
  
"How could I say no to a cute face like that?" Tommy asked with a smile. Tommy stood up and went to his closet. He removed from it a silver mini stereo and a CD case. "Want to listen to some music?"  
  
Chuckie shrugged. Tommy handed him the CD case "Pick something out." and started to hook the stereo up into a socket in the wall. Chuckie went through it but found nothing familiar.  
  
"Have you even listened to any of this?" Tommy asked. When his boyfriend shook his head he stared wide-eyed. "Man are you missing out." He took the CD case pulled out a Linkin Park CD and placed it into the stereo. He picked out a number and pressed play.  
  
Chuckie suddenly found a new genre of music. The music pounded against his ears. It thrummed and hummed. It was nothing like he had heard before. He often stuck classical music into his CD player. He sat there listening to the words some of hate some of revulsion and some of pain. He loved it. "Thank you Tommy. You have made me truly happy." Tommy laughed at Chuckie's joke. Chuckie noticed something on the desk. "What's that?" He asked Tommy.  
  
Tommy made his way over to the spiral. "See for yourself." said Tommy. He handed him the book. Chuckie flipped through the pages. It was filled to the brim with drawing of himself, Dill, and all their friends. Drawings of scenery, and flowers, and some rather dark looking pictures. There was one of the grim reaper standing over Dill's body. The artwork was wonderful and rather realistic but some of the things draw in the spiral well it gave Chuckie chills.  
  
"I know some of it is rather...well it makes me look like a frickin' crazy or something but it's really just an outlet. I'm not crazy or anything it's just I hate to talk about Dill and his death so I draw it and other things I'm feeling." Tommy said quietly.  
  
"I don't think you're crazy you've just had a lot to deal with." Chuckie told him. "I think if something like that happened to Kimi I'd probably be drawing things like this too. Even if you were crazy I would still want to be with you."  
  
Tommy smiled. 'Chuckie you are god sent.'  
  
Well peoples there's another chapter. Hoped you liked. Course seeing as I'm getting very few reviews I guess not many people do. All well I don't really care I just like writing it. Anyways I know this is pretty short but well it's 4:14 and I'm saving Chuckie's announcement speech for the next chappie. That'll be one hell of an announcement. Well do a girl a favor and R/R pretty pretty please with sugar and sprinkles on top. Oh and flames again shall be laughed at and deleted. Love ya,  
  
Screamarie. 


	3. Mom, dad I have something to tell you

Disclaimer: I do not own Rugrats and never will.  
  
Help Me Feel Again  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Chuckie and Tommy were walking down the street. They were coming upon Chuckie's house for his big announcement. Chuckie was nervous. He was terrible at publicly speaking but now he had to tell his parents and his younger sister that he was gay and his best friend is now his boyfriend. Chuckie then realized he was standing on his front porch.  
"Ready?" Tommy asked him giving Chuckie's hand a squeeze.  
"No, but I have to. They need to know." He said and opened the door. They let go of each other's hands and headed for the kitchen. It was like they had all been assembled. The rest of the Finster family was sitting at the table. They looked up, looking pleasant.  
"Hello Chuckie." Said Kira.  
"Hello." Said Chas.  
"Hi everybody." Chuckie said to them. "Look everyone I have something to tell you." That was the easy part but now he had no choice but to finish. "Mom, dad, Kimi I have something important to tell you about myself." They sat attentively staring at the two. Chuckie throat was dry and felt like his stomach was doing jumps to shame on Olympic gymnast. "Well um you should know that.I.I'm gay." Chuckie said. No one said anything. They stared unblinkingly. "Tommy is.my boyfriend." He finished though not feeling much better because still no one was saying anything.  
Then Kira Finster stood up and walked to her son and gave him a hug. "How wonderful." She said pulling back and looking him in the face. She had a wide smile. Chuckie looked to his father.  
"We were wondering when you finally admit it too us." He said.  
"What?" Chuckie asked shocked.  
"I came across a piece of paper in your trash can when I was collecting trash. It explained a lot." Kira explained to him.  
"We were waiting for you to tell us. We felt that it better that you tell us than us ask." Chas told him. Chuckie suddenly wondered if they knew other secrets about him. Not that he had many but who knew what they knew?  
Chuckie then noticed that Kimi was gone. "Where did Kimi go?" He asked but no one seemed to know. Then Kira looked at her watch and turned to Chas.  
"Chuckie you will have to look for your sister by yourself. Your mother and I are late for something we will be back in an hour or so. See you kids later." He said and his wife and he grabbed coats and headed out the door. Chuckie headed for his sister's room after his parents left. He knocked yet no one answered. He opened the door anyways. Kimi was lying on her stomach on her bed. She was sobbing.  
"Kimi what's wrong?" He said walking over to her.  
She turned to him with redden eyes and a look of hatred on her face. "Wrong? Nothing is wrong Chuckie. Nothing at all except that I have had a crush on Tommy since I don't know when and you go and steal him from me." She yelled at him.  
Chuckie gaped at her. "Kimi I didn't steal anything. He wasn't yours to begin with."  
"What I mean is that I'll never have a chance with him now. All because of you. Get out of here. Leave me alone." Chuckie gladly left not wanting to argue with his sister. Not just because he didn't like fighting with her but because she had made him so angry. It wasn't his fault she had never made a move for him and he hardly stopped her or knew about her crush. She had no right to be angry with him.  
He walked down the stairs to find Tommy standing and waiting for him. His eyes were asking if he had found her. "She's upstairs in her room."  
"Something wrong?" He asked me. It must have been on my face or something.  
"Kimi thinks I stole you from her." To this he laughed.  
"I've been gay for a long time. She never had a chance." He said to me.  
"Tell her that." I told him.  
  
The duo spent most of the day in that park watching the ducks, strolling on the paths hand in hand, watching the kids play in the sandbox. When it was getting dark they took a taxi back to Tommy's home. They had already planned a sleep over. They had gone to Tommy's room where they listened to music talking with a kiss sometimes making its way into the middle of what they were saying.  
"Tommy, Angelica is here." His mother called. Tommy and Chuckie sat up.  
Angelica opened the door without as much as a small wrap on the door. Angelica had grown her hair out so it was down to her waist. She wore a lot of purple still thinking that it was still her color. She wore short denim short and a purple tank-top. (gimmie a break I have no fashion sense I wear black all the time.) She was full on with her makeup and wore purple bow earrings. "What's he doing here?" Angelica said looking at Chuckie like he was enemy number one.  
"Not like it's any of your business but he's my guest and my boyfriend." Tommy said. Angelica suddenly looked like she had swallowed something foul.  
"My ears must be messed up I could have sworn you just said boyfriend." She said calming her face and dismissing it.  
"I did." Said Tommy rolling his eyes.  
"WHAT?" Angelica eyes bulged. Tommy had known this was going to be a problem. Although Drew and Charlotte did not think of homosexuality as wrong Angelica had. She had completely severed any connections with Dill. She had stopped claiming him saying that she had no idea who he was in public. When Dill was still alive Tommy had found him crying over it once. He had tried to comfort him but to no avail. Although Dill and Angelica had never been best friends or anything it had hurt him to know that she would pass him as nobody just because he loved Miracles. Although Angelica had shown clear signs of depression after her cousin died she still did not say that she was wrong about what she thought of him and his preference. "You heard me. I didn't stutter." Said Tommy. "You and him?" She yelled. "I thought you had learned from your little brothers mistakes."  
"He didn't make a mistake and neither am I." Tommy yelled back.  
"No, you're not you're just being an idiot."  
"Not half as idiotic as you. What the hell are you doing here anyways? I told you I never wanted to see you again."  
"Mom and dad sent me here to apologize. Believe me, I certainly didn't want to."  
"Get the hell out of my house Angelica. Get the hell out of here." Tommy screamed.  
"Fine by me little cousin." She swirled around, down the stairs, and slammed the door behind her.  
Tommy slammed the door. He turned around and leaned against it and slide to the floor. He pulled his legs to his chest, wrapping his arms around them, and burying his face in his knees. Chuckie stood up and then heard a heart-breaking sob. 'Poor Tommy.' Chuckie thought to himself. He sat down and wrapped his arms around the dark-haired boy. "It's okay Tommy. She's gone now."  
"No it's not Chuckie." Said a muffled sobbed voice. "It's never going to be alright. She's my cousin." Tommy then took Chuckie by neck and cried into him. Chuckie just pulled him closer. Tommy and Chuckie sat there for a long time until Tommy finally finished. Not caring what time it was they went to the bed where they went to sleep still fully clothed.  
  
Didi Pickles watched her niece leave from the kitchen doorway then went back to the sink when the door slammed shut. She had known something like that was going to happen. Angelica had caused herself a lot of trouble by finding Dill to immoral. Most of the family still loved her but found it hard not to look at her and think homophobic. Didi and Angelica had had some cross words one day over the subject of Dill. She knew that her son was upstairs probably fuming over her acts. Angelica had caused so much pain and hurt to Dill. Now she was going to do it all over again to her other cousin.  
She continued washing the dishes staring into the murky bubbly water. Her husband had hardly left the basement. At dinner he had stared at Tommy and Chuckie from across the table. They had both been talking happily and Stu had just stared. Luckily the boys hadn't noticed. If they had they hadn't said anything. When Stu had finished his dinner he had left quickly and quietly retreating again to his basement.  
But along with all the thoughts swimming in her head she also had the great happiness filling her. She had seen her son more today than she had in the past year. He had gotten some sun today too. Tommy had spent most of his past year locked in his room. He had even given a small peck on the cheek after lunch just before he had left to Chuckie's. When returning they had told her what the Finster's had said about their son's declaration of his preference. She had been overjoyed to see him give a laugh.  
She sighed and finished the last dish and let out the drain. She headed upstairs and to the bathtub where she ran a hot bath and relaxed.  
  
Tommy was walking along a corridor. He was dressed in a rather stuffy black suit. He had his mind set on the door at the end of the hall. A big black door that he was scared to go through but knew he had too. He got to the door and turned the knob. He then found himself inside a room. He looked behind himself and found the door was gone he turned back.  
On both sides of him were pews with lots of people all wearing black that he couldn't see the faces of. In front of him was a coffin. A long black closed coffin. He approached the ominous object. He knew who was in the coffin but couldn't quite recollect who it was. Who is in there? Tommy approached the thing. It opened of its own accord.  
There laying inside the plush thing was a young boy with orange hair and freckles. It was Dill. His eyes closed and he was dead. Tommy was sure of that but why was the Dill crying. Tears streamed from his eyes. Then Dill's eyes opened. "Help me Tommy. Please help me." Tommy jumped backwards. Suddenly he was outside in a graveyard.  
A faceless priest was saying some things with faceless people standing around. The coffin was at the bottom of a hole and was being covered with dirt by faceless men. People were crying and sobbing all around him. He then looked to his right and saw a boy sitting on his legs, crouched over, his face inches from the ground. He was crying uncontrollably his hands digging into the dirt. Long blonde hair screening his face from view but Tommy knew who it was. He had dressed in all white. He approached the boy and kneeled beside him placing a hand on his back. Miracles looked up and said simply, "He's dead."  
  
Tommy eyes shot open. He was sweating. The memory had flashed through his dreams. He had been having the same dream since his little brother died. It was what happened at his brother funeral. Sort of. Take out the creepy hallway, faceless people, and his brother waking up and begging him and that's what had happened. Miracles had come to the funeral alone, his parents being uncaring. He had fallen to his knees and then kneeled over and taking great chunks of the dirt into his fists.  
Miracles had uttered those two words and then run from the gravesite. Tommy would have gone after him but his mother stopped him by placing a hand on his shoulder and shaking her head, 'no'. Somehow this day had etched it's way into his brain so horribly that he dreamt it should his mind wander. It had been a cause in his decrease of sleep.  
He looked over and saw Chuckie sleeping peacefully. He had smiled and then curled up closer to the boy and feel asleep again.  
  
Well there you go. I hope you liked it. I thought it was pretty good. Well I'm tired now and I'm going to go to sleep. I hope to at least have one review when I wake up. Hint hint. I'll try to be quicker with the next chapter but I have no idea what that will have in it. Well hope you like reading it as much as I did writing it. Goodnight. Love ya,  
  
Screamarie. 


	4. You had a bet?

Disclaimer: I do not own Rugrats for the fourth time.  
  
Help Me Feel Again  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Phil and Lil DeVille approached the Finster household. They had just gotten back from a trip with their mother and father but about as soon as they got back they heard a whispered rumor running through the teenagers of their town. Tommy Pickles and Chuckie Finster were going out. Rumors had been spreading about Tommy since the death of Dill with things of he was unstable and the like. But no one had come to them and said that he was gay. They rang the doorbell and were answered by a rather moody looking Kimi.  
  
"Hi Kimi. Is Chuckie home?" Phil asked.  
  
"Yeah. He's in his bedroom" She said without her usual enthusiasm. She moved out of the way and when they were settled inside she shut the door, screamed her brother's name, and then went back to the kitchen.  
  
They looked to the stairs and saw Chuckie Finster at the top. "Hey guys come on up." He said and they followed the red haired boy to his room.  
  
The room was just exactly as it had been when they had left. The bed was still there with its sky blue sheets in the left corner. The walls were still covered in sky blue paint. The floor was still white with carpet. Be side the bed was a night table and in the right corner was a desk. Posters still covered the walls. They only saw one thing different. A damp Tommy in nothing but some pants leaning against the desk beside an open window.  
  
"What happened to you?" Lil said.  
  
"Hi Lil it's nice to see you too." Tommy said sarcastically.  
  
"Oh sorry, hi Tommy." She said her cheeks burning a little.  
  
"I got pushed into the pond at the park. Some idiot was skate boarding along and then pushes me face first into the lake." He said sounding a little pissed. (Course I would be too.)  
  
"Some people are just jerks." Phil said. He strode over to Chuckie's desk chair and straddled it so he could put his arms and head on the back. He gave one of his all famous calm look before asking, "So what have you two been doing?" Chuckie and Tommy looked at each other. They knew this had secret meaning. They both know that rumors had been flying around for the past few days about the duo. Apparently the twins had heard as well.  
  
"We've been shagging every chance we get." Said Tommy like he was discussing the weather. Both twins looked at him like he had revealed himself to be Saddam Hussein. Then Tommy and Chuckie started roaring with laughter at the looks on the twins faces. Phil and Lil then looked a little cross over the joke that had made them into fools. When the two calmed down they gave their attention back to the twins.  
  
"So you two are going out?" Lil asked.  
  
"Since a few days ago." Tommy said.  
  
"Wow, you miss out when you don't stick around town." Said Phil.  
  
"Well pay up bro." Said Lil. Phil grumbled and then handed her some money from his pocket.  
  
"You had a bet on us?" Said Chuckie.  
  
"Yeah. My guess was that you would start you're relationship before next school year. Phil thought it wouldn't be until the middle of the school year." Lil explained.  
  
"I wonder what other twisted bets you have on us." Tommy said staring out the window.  
  
"None right about now." Phil told him.  
  
There was a knock at the door. "Hello kids. Dinner is almost ready. Phil, Lil would you like to join us?" Kira Finster asked.  
  
"We were just going to get a burger but yeah sure." Said Phil.  
  
"Thanks." Said Lil. And soon after they approached the kitchen for dinner.  
  
Lil and Phil were lying on their separate beds in their room at the DeVille home. Tommy and Chuckie had filled them in on all that had happened the last few days. About seeing Miracles in the park, about Kimi, plus, about Angelica and her homophobia. They had been silently pondering their friend's new found relationship. Phil looked to Lil. "What do you think about it?"  
  
"Not sure. I mean it doesn't bother me or anything. Heck we've known it was going to happen sooner or later but it still is a bit of a shock."  
  
"Yeah. But I just can't understand Angelica. When Dill died she was crying and screaming. She wasn't as bad as Miracles but still she was just about to loose it at his funeral."  
  
"Speaking of Miracles I wonder how he's doing. I know that Tommy and he have been writing letters back and forth but Tommy has never really said anything to us about him." Lil told him.  
  
"I know and with a father like his no telling." Phil said.  
  
"Did you know that at his mother's funeral he never he even shed a tear. He died even appeared upset. From what I heard they wanted him to say a few things about her but he had said that he had nothing good to say so he wasn't going to say it at all."  
  
"Where did you hear that?" Phil asked her.  
  
"Miracles's cousin who lives in town. Said she overheard Miracles and his father talking about it."  
  
"That's pretty bad. Poor Miracles." Phil said shaking his head.  
  
Tommy approached a small house that looked almost desolate. The paint was peeling amongst the walls and the house looked like it shouldn't be standing any longer. The yard looking like it hadn't seen water in years. He approached the front door and Tommy knocked. The door was opened a few seconds later by a bruised pale face.  
  
Miracles stood their in white shorts and nothing else. His entire body was covered in black and blue bruises. His blonde hair cascading down his shoulders. "Oh hello Tommy." He said.  
  
"Hey Miracles. I wanted to see how you were doing since you didn't write back after my last letter." Tommy said.  
  
"Boy where the hell are you?" They heard from the back of the house.  
  
"I.Let's go for a walk." Miracles said leaning over to the side and picking a sweater from a couch behind him. It too was white. When Dill had died Miracles had thrown away anything with color in it and wore all white all the time. He pulled on the jacket and then exited the house closing the door behind him. 3  
  
"So how have you been doing?" Tommy asked.  
  
"Don't even play Tommy. You know how I am doing. You saw the bruises. Course I certainly wasn't trying to hide them."  
  
"Sorry. So did your father do that to you?" Tommy asked. Miracles stared down at the ground then slowly shook his head. "Why?"  
  
"He was drunk." Miracles said shortly. Miracles started to shiver.  
  
"Are you cold?" Tommy said. Miracles nodded. Tommy removed the jacket he had been wearing and placed it on Miracles shoulders.  
  
"Thanks." Miracles said giving a small smile that Tommy returned.  
  
"Why do you stay? It's not like he would try to get you back should you leave." Tommy said.  
  
"I have no where to go Tommy. My grandparents are dead, my mother has been rejected from her family me along with her, and my father has no brother or sisters. You know as well as I do that I have no friends besides yourself."  
  
"Come live with us. I know my mother wouldn't mind. She's always thought of you as another son and me well I've always thought of you as another brother." Said Tommy.  
  
"I don't know Tommy. For one you never know about your mother and well I just don't know if I could live in the same house as the only man I've ever loved. I've never told anyone this but Dill and I were planning on well.getting married after high school."  
  
"I remember Dill asked me what I thought about that idea. I told him it sounded like a good idea. I understand your distress. Listen why don't we at least try it. If need be I'm sure the Finster's would take you in. I'll discuss it with my mom tonight over dinner. You can stay with me and Chuckie. It'll be a sleep over."  
  
Miracles stopped walking for a moment. He stood in thought. It was a good deal. And if he had to he could always go home no questions asked. His father wouldn't have cared where he had been. He nodded his head and felt an arm wrap around his shoulders and pull him close and they started walking again.  
  
Well that was Chapter 4. WOO HOO. Are you proud of me? Well I hoped you liked reading that as much as I did writing it. So sorry it took so long to get done and get up and everything but I was busy with the first chapter of the sequel to Dark Diaries. Check it out if you're a Beyblade Kai x Rei fan. Well guess I'll leave you alone now. Love ya,  
  
Screamarie. 


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